Last night was ward temple night. For the first time since we've been in this ward we went. Spencer always got off work too late to go, plus I won't leave my 13 month old with anybody and babysitting is a little hard to come by. Well Spencer gets off work at 4 now, and on Sunday a wonderful friend volunteered to watch Rachel so we could go. When we got there at 6:10 the line to rent clothes was really long and there was only one woman behind the counter. It took us about 15 minutes to get our clothes. While we were waiting, Spencer's brother and dad walked in. He was so excited to see them. They were planning on being in the 6:30 session like us, but since it was already 6:25 we knew weren't going to make it. So Spencer just told them we'd wait for them and we could all go to the 7:oo together.
I really wanted to be in the same session as our ward. I was pretty annoyed that Spencer would just change our plans without even consulting me. I am always changed quicker than Spencer so as I was waiting I saw ward member after ward member pass me as they went up the stairs. I had plenty of time to stew. Finally Spencer came out with his family and we headed up. I sat in the assembly room pouting and a little angry. Then I got to thinking I really shouldn't be angry in the temple. There is no place for that here. Then I thought I really don't have any reason to be angry at all. Why would it matter what session we are in? We are not here for ourselves anyway. Plus being with his dad and brother made Spencer happy. So after contemplating and thinking for a while about why I felt this way I came to this conclusion: I am a selfish person. Everything is always about me and how I feel. I felt like a spoiled brat.
Then I started to cry. I don't cry very often so this was unusual. When I am truly humbled and the Spirit is with me I get emotional. I thought about what a lousy wife I've been lately. I haven't been as affectionate or caring as I should be. I haven't really been doing anything but cooking dinner for Spencer--and we have to eat so that's not really serving him. It's really taken a toll on our relationship. I also don't know what it is, but I have a hard time with Spencer's dad. He's a kind and accepting person who would do anything for anyone but I have a hard time being in the same room as him. He just bugs me for some reason. So I was being so petty and selfish about wanting to be with our ward and not with his family. It was stupid. I prayed and prayed--that's an advantage to being pushed up for the next session is you have a LOT of time to wait and think--and decided I needed to change. I need to be less selfish and less prideful. Acknowledgement of something is the fist step to change so I hope I can stay aware of my problem and concentrate on fixing it.
Turns out about 40 people in the 6:30 session (mostly our ward) didn't make it in, they were just waiting in the other room so in the end we both got what we wanted. Spencer got to spend some time with his brother and dad, and we got to be in the same session with our ward. God blesses us when we are humble and repentant.