06 February 2006

Some thoughts

I just realized that it's been 11 days since my last post. I guess I just haven't had anything important to say. I have this neighbor downstairs who is going through some rough times. I want to give her a Book of Mormon so a week ago I sat down and started to write my testimony to her and was going to post it here, but I just couldn't finish it. She is Russian and the Book of Mormon is in Russian so I have to give it to her. So that's why there hasn't been a post. I keep thinking I'll finish what I want to say, but never make the time.

I did bear my testimony in church yesterday. It's been quite a while. The last few months I've thought about it, but I never feel that push to go up. Well this time a friend of mine bore her testimony and I just felt the Spirit so strong. I had already thought about going up, but her testimony sealed the deal. I had that feeling that my heart was going to jump out of my chest it was beating so hard. The meeting was full of faith-promoting stories but I just went up there and said what I knew. I have a testimony of the truthfulness of the church. I know that Joseph Smith saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I know that through Joseph Smith the true gospel was restored on this earth and the Book of Mormon was translated. I know that Gordon B. Hinkley is a prophet today and speaks for the Lord. I know that the way is prepared for us to return to our Father in Heaven; we just have to take those steps. I know this because the Holy Ghost has testified of it. I have been feeling like my testimony is weakening lately. I wonder sometimes whether I truly do have a testimony. But feeling the Spirit like I did yesterday made me remember that I do have one.

Life seems like it is just moving on. Sometimes I feel like it's just passing by without me in it. I love staying home with Rachel but struggle with doing productive things. I see everyone busy and moving forward, but I don't feel that way. When Spencer comes home and we talk about our days he can say he went to work and school; concrete things. Usually my day consists of going to the park, cleaning some part of our apartment, doing laundry or playing with Rachel on the floor. But I don't really know what I have done with my time or have much to show for it. I keep telling myself that it's worth it, but something inside of me is always looking for more.

I heard an ad on the radio last week to sell Fresh Air purifiers. These things are awesome and I would love to be a representative for them. So I called the number and had the free informational packet sent to me. I knew they were expensive, but I had no idea they were $800 bucks! Not only do I not have any friends here that can afford something like that, but I would feel so weird offering it to someone who could afford it. So there's another money making opportunity down the drain.

Speaking of money I spent an hour and half tonight talking to a lawyer (with my mom, two uncles, my grandma and grandpa) about an investment we all had (this wasn't all the people involved, not even all of my family that is involved, but it was the ones close). We put money into a company that did real estate investing. We knew the guy that owned the company and he was trustworthy--even a member of the church--so we felt it was pretty safe. Well the company went under, all the assests have been turned over to a trust and who knows if we'll get any money back. Luckily Spencer and I are young and have plenty of time to recover from this loss, but my parents, uncles and especially my grandma don't have all that much time. The income my grandma was getting each month from the interest of her investment is all she has. It just goes to show that you can't trust anyone, even if they are your friends and members of the church. That makes me sad.

So that's pretty much what's going on with me. Hopefully I'll be able to finish my testimony to my neighbor soon and give her the Book of Mormon. I really feel like it is something I should do.


Lianna said...

Good luck with the BoM giving. You are so good. Even though it feels like you're not doing anything, you are changing lives by being a good mother to Rachel, a good wife, neighbor to that lady, and example to me & our ward.
I heard you bear your testimony and felt like I could relate, because I don't get up very often, but I feel the same things you do. Thanks for sharing.
I hope you enjoyed your time at the temple tonight. See...you did another productive/life changing thing for others.

Tigersue said...

I got you added to LDS women Blogs.
I once gave a BoM to someone, and I had to do it at the moment I thought of it. Don't wait too long, just give it to her, let her know that it is no pressure, but you think it could help her out. Take care.