08 April 2006

Get Out Of Your Freakin’ Car!

Guest Post by Spencer J

There are a few things in this world that drive me crazy. Nuts in brownies, nuts in cookies, nuts in banana nut bread (should just be banana bread), and the loud continuous typing noise coming from my wife’s fingers (at this very moment) as she types away at 100 wpm or close to that. The worst of them all are the nuts in their cars who insist on using their horn instead of their legs to draw someone from their home.

You know the ones: they honk, and then honk again ten seconds later because they think ten seconds is long enough for someone to get out of their house. I also am vicariously annoyed by the honking for my neighbors because I know there are about fifty or more of them in the horn’s sound range. To top it all off, the honking is usually done in the early morning when everyone is awake and no one dare sleep in to disrupt the use of the precious horn. Oh yes one more thing, the courteous genius honking the horn is often found double parked to stay in the ready position for immediate take off once the honkee enters the car (no race comment intended). The open spot just twenty feet ahead of the honker is too far away and would disrupt the take off position. If they would just park their vehicle in one of the many open spots and get out of their car, all would be right.

If I were to take action against those socially disabled honkers, here’s what I would do. I’d pull up next to the honker on my scooter and triple park next to them. I’d sound off an air horn in the opposite direction of the SUV or car and start yelling “Stiney get out here!”, and just for fun I would add in “Don’t forget to bring grandpa’s hemorrhoid donut!”. Oh Man, that would be awesome… I don’t think this is any real type of revenge, but it sure would make me feel better. So here is my question for you, if you could retaliate in some way to these gross offenders, what would you do?


Lianna said...

Yes Spencer! I agree! we had one of those honkers in our old apartment picking up his girlfriend. How ungentlemanly! If I were the girl being honked at, I wouldn't come.
Brandon and I tried to think of acts of retaliation for you, but we failed. The only thing I could think of was tell all your neighbors who are also bugged, to escort the person being honked at down to the car in their pajamas looking rudely awoken. Brandon thought of throwing water balloons at them from your balcony. Try that and let us know how it works.

Kristen J said...

Next time you should come out of the apartment and get into the passenger seat of the heinous honker.

Look at the person and say, "Geez, it took you long enough. I've been waiting all morning for you. Don't you know how hard it is to get a Dr's appointment for a herpes exam?" Then sit back and wait patiently. Eventually you could berate them for their honking ways.

Nice writing. Love the post.

Spencer J said...


I love your idea getting together with my neighbors in our PJs. I can see it now...