26 May 2006

Confession

I have a confession to make: I'm a nosy person. There I said it. Now I can start therapy and everyone can get on with their life. Seriously though, I have this strong need to know what everyone else is doing. I love watching cars come and go out of our apartment complex. My ears prick when I hear voices outside. I love to know what is in people's medicine cabinets in their bathrooms.

The last apartment we lived in was heaven. We were Number 2 on the bottom floor and right in front of the office and mail boxes. One of the main sidewalks crossed right in front of our living room window--the window I could look out of while browsing the internet on the computer. We also had a window directly located so that I could see everything from the kitchen. It was great. I knew when people came home from work, when they got their mail, and who was playing in the common area. We never had those windows closed. It drove me nuts to not be able to see what was happening outside.

We have since moved to a different apartment. We now live on the third floor with a balcony that overlooks the parking lot and a couple other buildings. This complex is much bigger and it took some getting used to. For one thing there are no windows on the wall that our front door is on. Every time I hear voices in the hallway I wonder who is coming or leaving home. Sometimes it gets so bad that I have to get on my tippy toes and peek through the little peep hole on the door to see what is going on. The good thing about where we live is that I can sit on the balcony and look like I am enjoying the ocean breeze and fresh air when in reality I am just eavesdropping on the pedestrians passing by unawares below. The other good thing about living here is our bedroom window looks over the main entrance and exit to the complex. I see most of the cars that come in and out.

Now I'm really not some creepy person who you never want to live near for fear of your personal lives being exposed. I'm really quite valuable. You actually want me to live in your neighborhood. Because I know who people are and what the general activities of the day is, I am more aware when things are out of the ordinary. It hasn't happened yet, but I bet one of these days my skills will be sought after like those of Sherlock Holmes. Who knows, one day I may even stop a crime from happening because of my watchful eye.

13 May 2006

Saturday Smiles!

12 May 2006

Chris was Robbed!

I know this is a day late and I'm probably the last to write about the latest American Idol drama, but we don't have TV. Consequently I have to watch my favorite show taped on Friday morning--thanks to a wonderful friend.

I could not believe my eyes when they announced the bottom two as Chris Daughtry and Katherine McFee. Now I already knew that Chris got voted off, but to see it for myself is so different! Katherine didn't do a stellar job on Tuesday night, but has a great, strong history on the show. I’m not a fan of her fashion choices, but she has a clear, beautiful voice. Chris I have loved from the beginning when I first heard him sing "Hemorrhage" by Fuel.

That dark, deep, rough sounding voice pierced me to the c ore. I love the whole rocker persona, yet I think some of my all time favorite songs he sang are those where he just held the mic and sang right into the camera with those piercing eyes penetrating your soul. Okay, maybe the soul piercing is a little much, but I loved watching Chris perform every week. He was the reason I watched each week.

Not only was I sad that he got kicked off because he is really talented, but also because of his life. It was so nice and refreshing to see someone married with kids get so far in the show. He was just such a good guy!

The band Fuel has offered him a job as their lead singer but I hope he doesn't take it. I hope that those who can make things happen for him have been watching and recognize his talent. I hope that despite not being number 1 or even number 2, that his dreams can still come true. I hope to be hearing Chris Daughter rocking' out on my radio soon!

11 May 2006

6 Weird Things

Okay, here are 6 weird things about me.

1. I only drink water out of plastic cups and milk and juice out of glass.

2. I'm a picker. I'm contantly picking at Rachel or DH--ears, fuzz balls, pimples, you name it.

3. I hate loose hairs. Drives me crazy to see hair on people's backs or on furniture. It either has to be on the person's head or on the ground.

4. I prefer my PB&J sandwiches toasted. Something about melted peanut butter...mmmmmm

5. I hate to touch the bottom of open bodies of water. I love to swim but start to get panicky if I touch the bottom of the ocean because I don't know what's down there. I can't snorkel because of this. I get super panicky and hyperventilate when my face gets too close. I'll tread water in the ocean ALL day if I need to instead of touching the ground--even if it's only 4 feet deep!

6. I clean my ears every day but I use 2 q-tips. One side to dry them after the shower and one to actually clean them. I never feel like my ears are dry enough or clean enough unless I use both sides.

01 May 2006

Freebird

Life is interesting how it plays out. The last couple years has been a whirlwind of action for my family. In 2002 me and my sister graduated from single life and got married. My brother was in a terrible accident but thankfully recovered. He left on his mission early in 2003. He has since returned and found his eternal companion. In 2004 two grandchildren were been born and last year had their first birthdays. The one other defining event throughout all this time has been my parents relationship.

It has steadily declined. In August of 2004 my mom packed up her things and moved to Utah. She told us kids that she just needed a break. She lived with a friend and a month or so later called me to tell me she had filed for divorce from my father. I was floored. The day after she told me I couldn't even go to work. It was devastating to me to hear that my parents, who had been sealed in the temple and married for 30 years, were not going to be together. When my sister had her baby in November my mom came back but we weren't sure if it was permanent. She ended up staying and my parents moved into separate homes in April of 2005. From April to just recently their relationship was on-again, off-again. Finally my parents made the decision to end it and the divorce was final about a month ago.

A couple weeks ago I was having a conversation with my mom about their divorce. I made the comment that I was over it. It didn't affect me anymore. She asked me baffled how I could be over it so soon when it took her years to get over her parents divorce. When I answered, I said the first things that came to my mind. I hadn't really thought about it but somehow the words just came to me and it was very clear.

I told my mom that while married to my dad she could never be who she was. She was married a couple years into college and recently free from her abusive home. She didn't have time to find out her identity. She hadn't lived on her own long enough to really know who she was and what she wanted in life. It didn't help that she had my older sister about 10 months after they were married. Her time of self discovery had to be put on hold while she raised her new daughter in a strange place (Utah) with a (relatively) new husband. I came along 2 years later and that didn't help either. She had one more baby--a boy--in 1983. So she has spent 25 years raising us kids all the while not knowing who she really is as a person. She has only been defined as my dad's wife and our mom. She is a wonderful person but has a hard time believing it much of the time. She has never been truly happy with herself.

My parents were married when my dad had a couple years of college done and worked as hard as he could to finish while supporting his young family. He loved my mom and could see who she was underneath the weathered exterior. He saw her true potential as a daughter of God and tried to help her become who he saw her as. He spent the better part of 30 years striving to make someone else happy. He would do anything for my mom if it would only make her happier. This was taxing on him. Nothing he ever did was good enough--not to mention my mom never believed him when he complimented her. During this time he really sacrificed much of his identity to try to build up my mom's.

Together they were never happy as individuals. The relationship was always a give and take with my dad giving and my mom taking--rarely the other way around. So I told my mom that they needed to be apart to be really happy. They needed to be apart for each of them to find out who they were again. Their individuality had been lost while they were married and separately is the only way they can find it.

This is a comfort to me. I never thought I would come to grips with the divorce. I mean who wants their parents divorced? I don't know what's going to happen, but I do know that each of them is free now to be who they really are and I hope they find themselves.