07 November 2006

You can't always get what you want

Life is interesting. As soon as I think I've got my life figured out I get thrown a curve ball. I can't say that things are bad right now, just a little frustrating. Also I hesitate to complain because life really has been happy for me for a long time. Rachel is turning two next month and so a few months ago Spencer and I decided it was time to try to start making another baby.

For a year I've been having some problems, but I thought they were finally under control. Apparently not. Because of this it looks like the baby making is not going to happen for an indeterminate amount of time. Today I just about had enough of my disfunctioning body and asked Spencer to give me a blessing. Beforehand I prayed though. I felt like I needed extra help for what was going to be said. I knew what he was going to say. I knew he was going to say eventually I will be healed, but not right now--and he did. The blessing did give me some comfort because I know that Heavenly Father is aware of my situation, but for some reason it doesn't make it easier for me right now.

It's not that I want a baby super bad. I want our family to grow, but that's not what frustrates me so much. I just want my body to work right. I want it to do what it is supposed to do when it it supposed to do it. I know that Heavenly Father is ultimately in charge and the words that I will eventually be healed give me peace. I just wish it was on my time schedule.

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