11 April 2008

How do I reconcile?

Did anyone watch Idol Gives Back on Wednesday night? I told Spencer I would have it on in the background while I did stuff because I didn't want to watch it for two hours. Instead I watched it for two hours. :) I actually really enjoy the performances and it's interesting to watch the stories they show us. Plus I've been knitting a lot so it's nice to have something to watch while I knit. It is unimaginable how some people in the world--and even in our own country--live. It makes me feel so blessed to have a clean apartment, food and medicine when I need it.

I've been thinking a lot about what was shown on the episode. People living in dire circumstances. Disease rampant. Death and sickness a common thread among most of them. There was one woman who had lost 3-yes, three-children to HIV/AIDS in Africa. I cannot imagine the pain that she has gone through. Not only to be so personally affected by the disease but now she sees the damage and the heartache that it has inflicted on others that she knows and loves. This made me think a lot about what I have been going through.

My experiences are not anywhere near as dramatic as this woman's. I have however experienced pain and heartache. I know that putting things into perspective can help people realize that their experiences are not as bad as others. I understand that. But I also know that if I don't deal with the things I have been through I will not fully heal.

This brings me to my conundrum: So how do I reconcile the fact that I have to grieve to fully heal without ignoring the perspective that other's heartaches gives me?


Emily said...

Jamie Jamie Jamie, you are too hard on yourself! But after reading your post, i feel guilty because I fast-forwarded through all the sickness and poverty stuff, just to get to the performances. So I'm feeling pretty shallow about right about now.... so don't feel bad, at least you have a heart!

we all have our basket of troubles, some seeming unbearable at times. the way you're feeling right now, is the exact reason why i don't watch the Oprah show! i know that bad stuff is going on in the world, but it makes me feel all depressed to hear about it all the time and i don't want it in my face.

as for you... HF knows your heart and he knows why you ache... He also knows that woman that lost 3 babies and He's with you both, He doesn't EVER think.... "well, she shouldn't be feeling sad because it could be so much worse"... we can always tap into the atonement even if our worries seem trivial and lame (although I don't think that your's do!!)

anyway.... comment too long.... go punch some waves!

Jamie J said...

Thanks Emily, that makes sense.

I totally have been thinking about punching waves forever. Ahh, the memories. So therapeutic. I so need to do that! :)

Jen said...

I think you have to let yourself grieve in order to heal. I also agree with Emily that He knows your aching. He doesn't compare he just offers love and peace. My prayers are always with you.

Michele said...

Jamie, Don't be too hard on yourself. You have a reason to grieve and you don't need to feel like you don't deserve to just because of someone else's experience.
My heart aches just thinking about how you are feeling so I can just imagine your pain. Allow yourself to heal knowing that have friends praying for you and your heart.

Jamie J said...

Thanks you guys. I actually debated posting this because I'm feeling much better than I have before. Your words have been very helpful! I knew my friends would have great things to say and help me through.