21 April 2011

One of Those Days

Today has been one of "those" days. It started out innocently enough. I dreamed I was partners with Sarah from Chuck. We were kicking but and fightinh bad guys. It was a weird dream because I woke up out of breath like I'd actually been fighting with someone.

After rushing out the door to get Big Sister to school since she was moving at slug's pace this morning, I hurried home and rushed through my own getting ready routine. I managed to make it out the door on time to my visiting teaching appointment. We had two and on the way to the second Mr. Smiley started to look tired. I made sure he didn't fall asleep on the way knowing that would ruin all chances of a good nap later and we had a lovely visit with our other lady. By this time Mr. Smiley was pure exhaustion and I laid him down as soon as we got home. Naturally he protested so I got him out of bed and fed him lunch.

I promptly put him back in bed only to listen to him babble and play for 20 minutes. Knowing he probably needed a diaper change I went in there and took care of it. Who likes to sleep in a poopy diaper anyway? And while I'm asking questions, why does he always poop *after* I put him down for a nap? I sat down and listened to him play some more while I listened to my scriptures and watched a little TV while knitting. By 1 o'clock I thought he had finally gone to sleep. Boy was I wrong.

About 1:20 I finally gave up on him sleeping and went in his room. I found him on top of his dresser, clothes strewn everywhere, an empty sucked on candy wrapper and sticky drool all over his clothes, face and hands. First of all I had no idea there was even candy in his room! So I admitted the nap defeat and brought him to the living room to finish my show with me. Despite his lack of nap he was being really happy and well behaved--he must have gotten it all out in him room.

We finished my show and he continued playing while I busied myself with other things. About 5 minutes before it was time to get Rachel, I went to change his diaper. I laid him down and because he was wearing overalls I noticed his diaper didn't quite fit right. It was in a bunch by his knees. I prayed there wasn't any poop in that diaper.

Of course there was. It was also all smeared in his pants and on his legs. At first I thought it would be fine if I just cleaned him with wipes but it quickly became clear that he needed a bath.

Here's where I tell you I made a batch of delicious chocolate chip cookies yesterday for Knit Night at my house last night. It's also where I tell you I've noticed in the last few weeks that desserts are really messing with me. I have noticed that if I eat a "pick me up" kind of snack anywhere between 1 and 4 I am a bear to be around during the rest of the day. It makes me overly tired, emotional and extremely short tempered. I am an emotional mess come 6 o'clock when T-Bone gets home. I usually even out a little after dinner once my blood sugar has had time to adjust. So, lately I've been pretty consciencious about my eating habits so I can be a better mom in the afternoon. Well I'm sure you've guessed, I have eaten a lot of cookies in the last 24 hours.
So back to the realization that in 5 minutes I need to leave to get Big Sister AND give Mr. Smiley a bath after eating way too many cookies for my body to handle and not having my quiet time that I desperately love and look forward to. I lost it. I was ( ) this close to tears as I called my friend to rescue me. She gratefully went to get BS as I cleaned up the little monster.

As soon as BS got home we got in the car and raced off to her tennis lesson, me super emotional the whole way there. Luckily Mr. S fell asleep on the way and I got my much needed quiet peaceful time that I was denied earlier. It gave me some time to think about the day and reflect on other things as well.

I could be having a baby today. My due date was in a few days and while I really have come to accept my loss, it still hurts every once and a while. It still has the capability to make me sad. I know most of the sadness is sugar induced ultra emotionality (I don't know if that is even a word....) but I'm going to let myself feel it today and then I'm going to move on.

Tomorrow is another day. Mr. S will proabably take a nap like normal, I'll have gotten the sugar out of my system and things will be back to normal.

In the meantime, it's going to be a $5 pizza from Little Caesars kind of dinner tonight.
*PS I wrote this on my phone in the parking lot of BS's tennis lessons while Mr. S was sleeping so please forgive me if there are gramatical errors.*

1 comment:

Julie said...

I'm so sorry. Those days are so overwhelming and I totally get the compounded stress of junk food overload. I'm feeling that one today...big time.

I didn't know you had lost a pregnancy recently (well, last 9 months recently...). I'm so sorry it's added to your rough day today.

Hugs and thoughts and prayers to you.