BUT I did go to the doctor again yesterday and felt pure joy. My doctor got the ultrasound machine and at first all she said was "There's the egg sack" and my heart dropped. I didn't know if that was a good sign that the egg sack was still there. But then she moved it a little the the left and there was a gorgeous picture of the life inside of me--with a strong beating heart. They got a new ultrasound machine that converts into sound and even though I'm barely over 8 weeks I could hear that beautiful sound! Just thinking about it again brings tears to my eyes. I'm so so grateful for that.
Even though I know I'm not out of the clear--two of my miscarriages were after seeing the heartbeat a couple times--just knowing that everything is good today is good enough for me. Deep in my heart I feel like this one is going to make it, but I don't know if that is just the hope that I have that it will, or if my instincts are correct. I guess I won't know for a few more months.
As for today I'm pregnant until I'm not and that makes me happy.