03 June 2011

So Happy!

At least I'm trying to hold on to the happiness. It's really hard to balance the pure joy at seeing and hearing your growing baby's heartbeat and wondering if it will be the last time I hear or see it. I really envy those who get pregnant and blissfully go through the next nine months without a care in the world. They just get to happily anticipate the beautiful gift that they have been blessed with. It truly is a gift.

BUT I did go to the doctor again yesterday and felt pure joy. My doctor got the ultrasound machine and at first all she said was "There's the egg sack" and my heart dropped. I didn't know if that was a good sign that the egg sack was still there. But then she moved it a little the the left and there was a gorgeous picture of the life inside of me--with a strong beating heart. They got a new ultrasound machine that converts into sound and even though I'm barely over 8 weeks I could hear that beautiful sound! Just thinking about it again brings tears to my eyes. I'm so so grateful for that.

Even though I know I'm not out of the clear--two of my miscarriages were after seeing the heartbeat a couple times--just knowing that everything is good today is good enough for me. Deep in my heart I feel like this one is going to make it, but I don't know if that is just the hope that I have that it will, or if my instincts are correct. I guess I won't know for a few more months.

As for today I'm pregnant until I'm not and that makes me happy.

16 comments:

.From Her. said...

GREAT NEWS.

Emily said...

Baby dust to you for a healthy baby! I'm so happy for you!

Cheryl said...

What a great post, Jamie. I totally understand that fear of not knowing if it will last, but you are wise, wise, wise to just love it and enjoy it. Prayers comin' your way so that baby will stay!
<3 <3 <3

bythelbs said...

Fantastic!

beck said...

congrats! I totally feel for you and understand. I seem to have a miscarriage in between each live birth. So the next time I get pregnant I am just expecting it not to last. I am wondering at what week I want to go in to hear the news. Do I go in early to be happy for a couple weeks or just wait to hear the bad news...

Julie said...

This post makes me so happy! Congratulations!

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

:)

The Roz's said...

So glad you are happy!
I don't think anyone goes through a pregnancy without constant worry about something happening. I recently watched 'The Science of Babies' on Netflix and it really struck me that the whole conceiving, pregnancy, labor and delivery deal is a miracle. There's so much that has to happen and that can happen, I'm again amazed at the whole process.
You all are in our thoughts and prayers!

Melissa said...

Congratulations Jamie! That is such fantastic news! Prayers that more and more and MORE fantastic news comes your way! :D

Maile Fano said...

I am glad you got to hear it! You are in my prayers!

The Snead Family said...

love it. we are so happy for you. keep up the positive outlook!!!! miss you guys!

Staceygirl said...

Even though I've never miscarried, I sure don't go through pregnancy without a care in the world! I know miscarriage can happen to anyone, and so I get scared. That's why I wait to tell people, also. During the first few months when I can't feel the baby, I'm always nervous before going into the doctor because I'm afraid there won't be a heartbeat. That might sound silly to you because of what you've been through, but I think it's true for everyone that once you decide to have a baby, you are forever putting your heart at risk. I think it's awesome that you had the faith and the strength to put your heart at risk again because of the inspiration you felt. It must be an emotional ride, but we are praying for the best outcome!!

Sharon said...

Love you! Love your happiness and hope it sticks for good!

Sissamom said...

Congrats, my friend! Hang in there. Being a PAL is really rough. (((HUGS)))

Maren said...

Oh Jamie! That is fabulous! Brought a tear to my eye! Moving you to the top of my thoughts and prayers for sure! I hope hope hope this life decides to join your cute little family!! Looks like I'm moving back to Cali at the right time! :-D Love you! See you soon!

Lacey said...

Someone told me your were pregnant the other day and I was so excited to here. I loved your post. you have a great perspective, thanks for sharing. Hope all is well today too!