17 November 2011

So Far So Good

Today has been much better than yesterday. I still feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat, but I feel a little more in control today. Of course the day is only half over and generally my emotional outbursts don't happen until between 4 and 6, but I'm confident I'll be able to handle what happens today better than yesterday.  I was able to rest for an hour while I tried--unsuccessfully--to convince Mr. Smiley that it was nap time.  His room is now a complete disaster, but at least there were no injuries to him or any possessions. I call that a success.  Luckily there haven't been any more nose biting incidents.

To those that commented, thank you for your encouraging words. I really appreciate them and your friendship. I was grateful to hear your perspectives that it's easier to have a three kids then be pregnant with two. That gives me hope that I will be able to do this. It really is hard to see that things can get better, but knowing that others have succeeded gives me confidence.  I realize that things are going to be hard for a while but they will get better and I just need to keep plugging on. I can get through these next 8 weeks!

16 November 2011

What was I thinking??

Reality hit me hard today.

I'm going to have three kids in 2 months.

It's taken me 32 weeks of being pregnant to fully grasp that. I haven't really had any time to think about it. I've had a pretty uneventful pregnancy until the last couple weeks so reality hasn't really sunk in.

Mr. Smiley's destructive tendencies and level of activity are inversely proportional to the capacity I have to deal with it. Meaning as I get more and more tired and unable to deal with messes and destruction, he gets more energy and more destructive. Today I was on the phone for 10 minutes, nothing too long, and in that 10 minutes he managed to bite off the nose of my styrofoam head. The one that models my hats? Yeah, that one. The one I need for a craft fair this Saturday. Yep. Luckily I was able to glue it back on and it looks mostly normal, but seriously? Biting off the nose? Who does that? Oh yeah, my 2 year old. Lucky for him I handled it pretty well. Unfortunately later Big Sister wasn't so fortunate and got yelled at.

I haven't been sleeping very well the last week or so. It's getting more and more difficult to roll myself over in bed and consequently I wake up every time I need to change positions. Luckily I usually fall asleep pretty quickly except if it's after 4 or 5 in the morning. Then I just get to lay there uncomfortable for hours until my kids wake up--which thanks to the end of Daylight Savings is usually a lovely 6:10 am. Anyone who knows me knows that without sleep I become a completely different person. Unfortunately not a pleasant one. Annoyed, short tempered, emotional, yelling. Not things I want to be. Today all those lovely qualities showed themselves. I'm not proud of my behavior, I wish I could take it back, but that's what it was.

Luckily T-Bone came home before it got too bad and right after dinner I sent myself to my room. I stayed there for over an hour crying, relaxing and listening to the scriptures while he got the kids ready for bed. It was very therapeutic. I also go to thinking about the future though. How the hell am I supposed to take care of three kids when I can't even keep it together with the two that I already have? What the hell was I thinking?

I know that things will change once I actually have the baby, but it's not like I'm going to be less tired.

Those of you with three kids or more, please tell me it's going to be okay. Please tell me I can do this!

Also please tell me I can make it though the last 2 months of pregnancy. I'm ready to have this baby today.



09 November 2011

Hey look, a post from me!

November is a time to remember what we're thankful for. I'm thankful for a lot of things, but I'm trying to think outside the box of family, house, gospel...you know the things I'm always grateful for.  Today I'm thankful for soft tissues. I know that sounds silly, but when you have allergies soft tissues are one of the best things. I've suffered from allergies on and off for the last few years but the last couple months of my pregnancy have been especially tormenting. I have a continual runny, itchy nose and my right ear is most often clogged. Yes my doctor told me I can take a Zyrtec while I'm pregnant and I have on those really bad days, but I hate that it makes me super exhausted. I mean, I'm already tired enough, I don't need anything else to help me with that. So the soft tissues that soothe my runny nose are a blessing from heaven. I'm so glad I don't have to wipe my nose with leaves or newspaper or something like that.

Speaking of pregnancy, I'm 31 weeks today. 9 to go! I am grateful for this pregnancy too. Already having 2 kids I have a lot to do during the day--as all you parents know--and this pregnancy has been relatively easy for me. Besides the mild discomforts and things that I only discuss with my doctor, the  weird leg thing that prevents me from lifting my right leg more than 5 inches off the ground without holding on to anything and the tiredness it's been pretty easy. I can still even roll myself over in bed. That's huge compared to my past pregnancies! I feel huge but I can still get around and do most everything I need to. I can tell when I've overdone it--that exhaustion really sets in--but overall if I'm smart I do okay.

I was pretty surprised last weekend at how well I'm feeling. I shared a table at a business expo in my neighborhood to sell my knitted and crocheted things. It lasted from 10-3 and I easily lasted that long too! I was glad the chairs were padded though. I ended up breaking even with the table fee and supplies that I had to buy, but I was pretty happy with that! I passed out a few business cards too so hopefully that will lead to some more orders. I was glad for the exposure and it gave me some good experience. So because of that my confidence has grown immensely! There is another neighborhood Holiday Boutique a week from Saturday and I'm going to do that too. This time I'm doing it by myself though so I have to sell more to break even, but I'm hopeful that will happen! And hopefully I'll even make some money this time! Getting ready for these expos and craft fairs has kept me very busy. I love that I can sit on the couch and crochet or knit and tell my husband that I'm not relaxing or wasting time, I'm working. Best job ever.

Anyway, I have to go get ready so I can take Mr. Smiley to the park in an hour. It's a gorgeous day outside today and I don't want to waste it! I'm thankful for San Diego beautiful fall weather! Have a fantastic day!