16 November 2011

What was I thinking??

Reality hit me hard today.

I'm going to have three kids in 2 months.

It's taken me 32 weeks of being pregnant to fully grasp that. I haven't really had any time to think about it. I've had a pretty uneventful pregnancy until the last couple weeks so reality hasn't really sunk in.

Mr. Smiley's destructive tendencies and level of activity are inversely proportional to the capacity I have to deal with it. Meaning as I get more and more tired and unable to deal with messes and destruction, he gets more energy and more destructive. Today I was on the phone for 10 minutes, nothing too long, and in that 10 minutes he managed to bite off the nose of my styrofoam head. The one that models my hats? Yeah, that one. The one I need for a craft fair this Saturday. Yep. Luckily I was able to glue it back on and it looks mostly normal, but seriously? Biting off the nose? Who does that? Oh yeah, my 2 year old. Lucky for him I handled it pretty well. Unfortunately later Big Sister wasn't so fortunate and got yelled at.

I haven't been sleeping very well the last week or so. It's getting more and more difficult to roll myself over in bed and consequently I wake up every time I need to change positions. Luckily I usually fall asleep pretty quickly except if it's after 4 or 5 in the morning. Then I just get to lay there uncomfortable for hours until my kids wake up--which thanks to the end of Daylight Savings is usually a lovely 6:10 am. Anyone who knows me knows that without sleep I become a completely different person. Unfortunately not a pleasant one. Annoyed, short tempered, emotional, yelling. Not things I want to be. Today all those lovely qualities showed themselves. I'm not proud of my behavior, I wish I could take it back, but that's what it was.

Luckily T-Bone came home before it got too bad and right after dinner I sent myself to my room. I stayed there for over an hour crying, relaxing and listening to the scriptures while he got the kids ready for bed. It was very therapeutic. I also go to thinking about the future though. How the hell am I supposed to take care of three kids when I can't even keep it together with the two that I already have? What the hell was I thinking?

I know that things will change once I actually have the baby, but it's not like I'm going to be less tired.

Those of you with three kids or more, please tell me it's going to be okay. Please tell me I can do this!

Also please tell me I can make it though the last 2 months of pregnancy. I'm ready to have this baby today.


Emily said...

I've so been there! A lot of us have. I will admit that it's easier having 2 kids and a newborn than 2 kids and being 8 months prego... it was AWFUL! I let the house go to pot, laid on the couch all day and made Cooper made peanut butter sandwiches for his little brother, like twice a day.

That being said, the 3rd kid threw me for a loop. It wasn't easy. Go for walks, count to 10 before you react to anything the kids do, use your visiting teachers, dont be afraid to ask for things from your hubby and friends and take time for yourself. My kids mellow out in the car, so sometimes a nice scenic drive gives me some "get perspective" time and quiets them down. We're here for you!!

Allow yourself to be lazy for a few months (but not if being lazy makes you depressed, then you'll have to find a happy medium).

mama POWER!!!

Cheryl said...

I agree with Emily about just letting things go when baby comes. You have to do whatever you can to keep your sanity!

With that said: You will do whatever it is you have to do. I promise. If it helps, I'm feeling the EXACT same anxiety with this pregnancy (I'm so exhausted right now) and I can't stop thinking: Six kids?! How in the world am I going to do this!?

When I had #3 18 months after I had #2, it was really hard. But it worked out; in time we all adjusted. And I think that's the key --it just takes time. No matter how many kids you have, you know? You'll be just fine, I promise.

And just so you know, your son is NORMAL. :) Boys are really hard --especially as toddlers. Really hard! Don't put too many high expectations upon him; he's just curious. Expect his rambunctious nature and remember that one day you can embarrass him for it. Ha!

So, you CAN do it. The last few months of pregnancy AND three children. You can! And you WILL. :)

Julie said...

So I remember having this EXACT feeling when I was about 8 months pregnant with Cannon. It was like a slap in the face.

I will say, though, that having 3 children is easier than having 2 and being at the end of pregnancy. Those last weeks are SO hard.

You'll be fine and when you're not fine, that's okay, too. It happens to all of us. Frequently. You'll be awesome.

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

I echo everyone else here...you will all survive the next 2 months, and one day you'll look back on it with fondness. (I think they call it pregnancy amnesia)

And when you come home with that new baby, and you & the hubby are officially out-numbered...you will find the new normal. Take any help offered, solicit for any other help you need, and go forward with faith that this is exactly what you are supposed to be doing right now. You are an awesome mama. :)