Best decision ever.
I sobbed all the way home and cried myself to sleep. I just woke up from a blissful hour and half nap with no interruptions--kids, doorbells, trying to roll over. I even dreamed of having contractions.
I feel so much better now.
The last few weeks of this pregnancy have been such a roller coaster. One day I'm super exhausted and can barely get off the couch. The next I'm happy and full of energy taking my kids to the park for 2 hours. I don't get it. Yesterday I was having a great day. I woke up in a good mood, full of energy and a bright outlook for the day. We took a walk as a family to the park and the kids played. The weather was gorgeous and everyone was happy. I felt wonderful. Then today I woke up a little more sluggish but doing okay, but by the time we left for church at 10:30 I was ready to throw in the towel for the day.
I have 3 days until my due date.
I'm pretty sure I'm not going to hold out that long. I have an appointment tomorrow and am going to ask my doctor if she will just break my water. Hopefully that will bring on labor and I can just have this sweet baby already. Before this week I was having tons of contractions and am even dilated to 3 cm as of Tuesday the 3rd. I was so optimistic that the baby was going to come sometime this week, but I have hardly had as many contractions in one week as I had in two days a couple weeks ago.
I'm huge. My belly sticks straight out. It pretty much defies gravity. I'm not sure how it's humanly possible that I'm still carrying this child inside of me, but I am. I've decided my body is capable of staying pregnant longer than physically possible for most other people. I like to defy the odds.
When people see me that I know you can see the look on their faces. "Oh Flip flop Mama!" they say. "You haven't had that baby yet?" Luckily I usually have a good attitude about it and can just smile and say, "Not yet." Not today though. That's why I left church. I knew I wouldn't be able to field all the comments graciously. I would have been a sobbing mess. But napped and fresh, I'm ready for the rest of the day.
I just have to keep telling myself, "You WILL have this baby. You WILL have this baby."